Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Why do I love her?

I've been thinking about this today. Seems like it should be a pretty obvious answer, but as I ponder the question, it becomes harder to articulate. She's got some points against her. 

  • she never says thank you
  • she tends to leave substances on my clothes
  • she doesn't understand, "mom's time for herself" time
  • she restricts my social life
  • she hurt A LOT coming out
  • she cries sometimes for no apparent reason
  • she can't carry on a decent conversation
  • she must be fed. even at night when I'm sleeping
  • she didn't come with a "pause" button
  • she passes gas, without discretion I might add, in public
So, why do I love her? Why can I look at her for hours at a time? Why do I love to wake her up in the morning? Why do I stoop to making ridiculous faces to get her to smile?

Because she is. Because she is harvest - she put skin on the love I have for Ben. She is part of me, but wholly other. She carries with her the hope of our families, the prayer we have for the future. I love her because she is ours, and so utterly lost without us. I love her with a deep compassion for someone totally unable to defend herself. I love her with the delight of watching a mystery wake up. I love her in awe. In her is the story, darkened with each telling, of beauty lost and desire twisted. In her is the echo of a Father's "come home," of a redemption paid dearly, for her. She is alive here because of my strength and will some day be strong for me. I love Addison because I can't not love her. 


Stefan, Sarah and Lukka said...

"she put skin on the love I have for Ben"

THAT is what I've been trying to say these last 15 months to Stefan!
Really nice post, Crystal.

Dale said...

Love your articulation of love for Addie! It's so true! You're awesome with words. Love, grandpa DT

Jay Taylor said...

I can't quite understand it yet, but I have to admit that it makes me want to. :)

Alyssa Spring Corley said...


Anonymous said...

Definitely some quotable lines in that Crystal. Well said. By the way, I'll be visiting you very soon to get the wedding tune. --Meredith

Cindy said...

I love this blog, Crystal. I was thinking how true....past tense until I thought about where we are today....ages 11, 12 and 13 still at home...

They do say thankyou!!

They hardly ever cry!!

They can feed themselves and sometimes even bring me something!!

They can converse quite well and are very entertaining!!


They still leave smudges on my clothes once in a while.

They do have pause buttons, but don't always work.

They know mom needs mom time but its sooo easy to forget!

They still restrict my social life on occasion.

and...alas they still pass gas, sometimes even in public....sigh...

and I can't not love them!!

Dr. and Mrs. Thomas said...

crystal I second that. or double it.. ? haha

that last comment is hilarious. There is hope!!